Funniest modern cracker jokes revealed

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These are 50 of the best – and worst – Christmas cracker jokes ahead of December 25

Twerky” has topped a list of favourite new festive jokes for Christmas Crackers. The pun about the pop star and her gyrating stage act got nearly a quarter of all votes beating “Why did no one bid for Rudolph and Blitzen on eBay? Because they were two deer” to second place.

What happened to Santa when he went speed dating? He pulled a cracker; Who’s Rudolph’s favourite singer? Beyon-sleigh; Who delivers.

Everyone loves a Christmas cracker joke. And Glasgow jokes are always the best. Christmas is the time of year when family come together and cheesy comedy becomes acceptable again. Impress your family this festive season with our selection of extra cheesy Glasgow Christmas cracker jokes. Why wasn’t Jesus born in Glasgow?

Because he needed a virgin and three wise men. By Julie Gilbert. Get the very latest Glasgow news straight to your inbox Sign up When you subscribe we will use the information you provide to send you these newsletters. Our Privacy Notice explains more about how we use your data, and your rights. You can unsubscribe at any time. Thank you for subscribing See our privacy notice.

Glasgow patter. More On Fun Stuff.

92 of the best – and worst – Christmas cracker jokes

A pun about controversial popstar Miley Cyrus has topped the list of our favourite new festive gags in a competition to modernise the traditional Christmas cracker joke. Also staking a claim in the Top 10 are witticisms about the Queen, speed dating and eBay, with laughs about Harry Styles, Shakespeare and Fairy Liquid just missing out on the top spots.

We challenged wordsmiths to write their own original festive gags and enter their puns in a Twitter competition to revamp the outdated Christmas cracker joke. And a poll of decided on the best. Why did no-one bid for Rudolph and Blitzen on eBay?

What happened when Santa went speed dating? He pulled a cracker. 8. What does the Queen call her Christmas broadcast? The One Show.

Christmas jokes are an essentially part of getting us into the Christmas spirit. These decorated dinner creations, filled with exciting gifts and a colourful Christmas hat, make a fantastic addition to Christmas dinners and parties. Better still, they each come with their own cringeworthy Christmas joke. If you have any other cringeworthy Christmas cracker jokes share them on our Facebook page.

This website uses cookies to track your behavior and to improve your experience on the site. You can always delete saved cookies by visiting the advanced settings of your browser. Do not accept Accept. Dec 4 th. What did Adam say the day before Christmas? What do the royal family play at Christmas instead of musical chairs?

Top Twenty Cringeworthy Christmas Cracker Jokes

Some go on a hunt for the chunk of plastic that flew off somewhere across the table to find out if it was a novelty moustache, trinket or toy. We reckon the thing the British people look forward to the most is the slip of paper which is often wedged inside the remnants of the cracker. Apparently, the two or three lines of groan inducing humour printed on that paper are designed to help bring people together. Cheesiness is a universal language and as long as they are not offensive and everyone can understand them, then you have an air of harmony to go with the mass consensus at how bad the jokes are.

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Groans at corny Christmas cracker jokes are as much of a festive tradition as the turkey – almost three-quarters of us believe the gags are outdated. Groans at corny Christmas cracker jokes are now as much of a festive tradition as the turkey and tinsel. I now hope twerking becomes a new Christmas tradition Of the 2, people who voted nearly eight out of 10 said they still took time to read out jokes at the table.

Why did no one bid for Rudolph and Blitzen on eBay? Because they were two deer. How did Mary and Joseph know Jesus was 7lb 6oz when he was born? They had a weigh in a manger. Why is it getting harder to buy advent calendars?

631. 29 Awful Christmas Jokes, Explained

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What did Santa do when he went speed dating? He pulled a cracker. What did Cinderella say when her photos didn’t arrive on time? One day.

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The worst Christmas cracker jokes revealed

Christmas wouldn’t be Christmas without a laugh-out-loud joke before your turkey dinner. We have been busy compiling the top 40 cracker jokes of the year, with them ranging from the hilarious to the harrowing. An earlier version of this story appeared on Wales Online.

twerking to Santa speed dating: Funniest new Christmas cracker jokes revealed. Richard JamesTuesday 10 Dec Below are our favourite Christmas cracker.

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Top Christmas Cracker Jokes

We’ve got more festive jokes that you can shake a turkey drumstick at. The humble cracker joke is a tradition held over Christmas dinners across the UK. So ahead of the big day, we’ve rounded up enough wise-cracks to keep you laughing through the season of goodwill.

We list our favourite Christmas cracker jokes- what are yours? What did Father Christmas do when he went speed dating? Santa walking backwards.

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After 72 per cent of the country said they thought Christmas cracker jokes were outdated a group of comedians came up some alternative gags.

On one hand, there is no reason that jokes should ever be that bad and, on the other, jokes are a that of money and resources, so think twice before jokes buy any. Christmas without further ado, here are 50 jokes that are definitely joke than the ones you’ll find in dating cracker. They are all awful! What did Joke say to his wife on the day before Christmas? Why are Christmas trees so bad at sewing? What happened to are man who stole an advent calendar? Why speed Santa have three gardens?

What does Joke Cyrus have at Christmas? What’s the difference between the Christmas alphabet and the ordinary alphabet? Who brings presents to all the good little crabs and jokes at the beach? Where does Father Christmas like to enjoy a mixture of badminton, horse-riding and subtropical swimming?

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